


Tell Me You Love Me While I'm Totally Wankered

by RoonilWazlibMalfoy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drinking, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:08:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26592661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoonilWazlibMalfoy/pseuds/RoonilWazlibMalfoy
Summary: Harry Potter was utterly sloshed. Lucky that he had an understanding boyfriend to take care of him.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 17
Kudos: 143





	Tell Me You Love Me While I'm Totally Wankered

"Come on, luv. Just one more step," Draco encouraged. Merlin, why had he let Potter keep drinking? Well, the obvious reason, of course, was that no one had ever been able to stop Harry Potter from doing anything he wanted to do, least of all Draco. And even beyond that, he hadn't been about to try to stop Potter from celebrating. Not tonight when what they were celebrating was something Draco had been wanting for a very long time. 

Draco had spent the past six months worrying incessantly about Harry, ever since the last time he'd gotten injured on the job. He had begged, he had pleaded, he had used every ounce of Slytherin cunning that he possessed to try to get Potter to quit his job and finally, today, his efforts had come to fruition. True, it probably had little to do with his efforts and more to do with that absolute tosser, Robards, but Draco was filing it as a win. 

A win that had landed him with an utterly pissed Harry Potter at the end of the night, but a win nonetheless. He'd take it.

After finally getting the messy-haired menace into the foyer, he turned to close the door behind him which proved to be yet another mistake in the long list of missteps Draco had taken that evening. There was a loud crash as Harry stumbled and collided with the tastefully artistic brass and smoked glass umbrella stand that Draco had purchased to replace that hideous troll leg as soon as he'd moved in to Grimmauld Place. He took a moment to thank Merlin and Morgana that he'd been able to rid the world of his great aunt's horrid portrait before moving to help Harry up. The last thing he needed right now was to hear her shrieking on top of everything else.

"Let's get you to bed, darling," he said softly, hoping that Harry would decide to be cooperative for once in his Gryffindor life.

"Nooo, Draco!" Harry whined. No such luck, Draco thought. "I can't go to bed, I'm too hungry!"

"Alright," Draco sighed, tugging at Harry's jacket sleeves as he resisted, stumbling around like, well, like someone who was incredibly sloshed would do. "Of course, I'll just get you something to eat. Let's get your jacket off and you tell me what you want."

"Don wanna take off m' jacket. You'll make me go ta bed! And I'm hungry, Draco. So hungry!!"

Rolling his eyes, Draco said with more patience than he thought he possessed, "Harry, I just told you that I'd get you some food. Leave your jacket on if you must, but tell me what it is that you want to eat!" It really wasn't a ton of patience, but it was still more than Draco had thought he had in him. 

Harry looked as thoughtful as a person who was swaying drunkenly could look. "Toast!" he declared after a moment. "Toast and beans!"

Shrugging, Draco lowered Harry down into the sofa and started for the kitchen. 

"No toast, Draco!" Harry called after him. "Just beans, okay?"

Sweet Salazar, Draco thought. Not that beans were especially difficult. He supposed he should be grateful that Potter hadn't chosen something more complicated. But still, he didn't particularly fancy sleeping next to a man who had rounded out a night of heavy drinking with a large pile of beans. It would give a whole new meaning to the phrase "Potter Stinks." He sighed, supposing there was really nothing for it. If he wanted to get his boyfriend to go to sleep at all, he'd have to give in this time. 

Quickly heating up a tin of beans, dishing them up, and setting them on the table, Draco called, "Your food is ready, Harry. Do you need help getting in here?"

"Nope," Harry called back, his lips making a popping noise on the 'p'. "C'n do it m'self!" Draco settled into his chair tentatively, ready to jump up if there were any overly suspicious noises. He was slightly concerned about all the grunting Harry seemed to be doing, but decided it couldn't be anything too bad since it didn't sound like anything was being broken. He sipped a glass of sparkling water and waited. 

A moment later, Harry stumbled into the kitchen and Draco burst out laughing. The Boy Who Lived to be a drunken arse was standing there in just his skivvies and a pair of socks, both covered in fluttering golden snitches. 

"Merlin, Potter!" he said between fits of giggling. "I said to take off your jacket, not to take off everything!" Not that he was really complaining. Drunk or no, Harry looked gorgeous and he supposed he deserved the eye candy after putting up with all of this. 

Potter just gazed back innocently, his green eyes bright behind his glasses, as he settled into his chair and moaned happily at the sight of the bowl of beans before him. 

"Say, Harry," Draco said suddenly, narrowing his eyes in thought. "Aren't those your lucky pants?"

"Huh?" the bollocksed Savior grunted between bites.

"Your pants," Draco said impatiently. "They're your lucky ones. The socks too! Did you actually plan on quitting today?"

Harry stopped eating and looked back at Draco grinning, a spot of tomato sauce on the corner of his mouth. "'Course I did," he said cheerfully. "You wanted me to do it. I'd do anything for you, Draco." He tried to touch Draco's cheek and ended up clumsily slapping at his shoulder. "Just had to get stuff in order first, right?"

Grabbing the hand that was still flailing in his general direction, Draco held it to his face. "That's honestly adorable, Potter. I thought it had been a spur of the moment Gryffindor kind of thing. Thank you for doing it for me," he said, supremely touched. He supposed he didn't mind taking care of a drunken Potter too much. He really did love that green-eyed hazard of a man.

Suddenly, Harry's eyes filled with tears and he looked at Draco helplessly. "What's wrong, love?" he asked softly. "You aren't upset over it, are you? I'm sure they'll let you come back if you want to!" Draco really did not want him to, but he also didn't want his boyfriend – love of his life, object of his affection, inamorato – to be unhappy. 

Waving him off, Harry blubbered. "No, it's not that. It's just. I wish I had a good quality anal lubricant instead of this giant bowl of beans!"

Cracking up, Draco tugged Harry out of his seat. "Come upstairs, love. Let's go to bed. I assure you, our lube is of the finest quality. Maybe we can use it after you sober up some."

Still chuckling, he ushered Harry to bed, and snuggled into his side, deciding that maybe sleeping next to the Drunken Savior wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> This ridiculous story was based on something my phone's autocomplete came up with. Lol Good times!


End file.
